The Groom's Perspective: Other People Get Married Too

In which our groom-to-be is taking notes…

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My cousin Matthew got married at the weekend. I know what you’re thinking – How dare he? How dare anyone we know get married while we’re planning our own wedding and take the focus off us even for one day? I mean, this engagement is meant to be ALL about us, right?

Well, we turned up fully intending to mercilessly heckle the bride and groom throughout the ceremony and reception, but my family managed to talk us out of it. A sumptuous spread of cakes, biscuits and tea/coffee laid on in the adjacent church hall after the ceremony may have helped to convince us as well…

The last two weddings we’ve been to now have had these tea breaks right after the ceremony and it is a great idea as guests will not have eaten since breakfast and may not get to eat again until the dinner. Unfortunately, this service won’t be available to us as our church doesn’t have a suitable building nearby so we may have to try getting something similar provided at the reception or id all else fails we could get everyone vouchers for the McDonalds Drive-Thru in Ashbourne…

It was Lisa’s first time at a Protestant wedding and she seemed to enjoy it… Though a conversion probably isn’t on the cards just yet. In fact, it was only my second time at one and I didn’t see that many differences between it and a Catholic wedding, except there seemed to be more singing and less bread and wine scoffing… The bride and groom were actually quite religious and God was mentioned in a few speeches, so I was, like, go easy guys, give us pagans a break…

One last thing about the ceremony… The leaflets given out with the hymns and readings on them had a list of the bridesmaids and groomsmen with a brief description of their characters – for example, the groom’s brother was described as a “quiet, serene soul” – which I hadn’t seen before and I thought it was a nice touch.

When we came in for dinner then, there was a decorative name tag at each seat with what looked like a set of four incense sticks. But no, they were sparklers and as there was a candelabra in the centre of each table, a certain couple – let’s call them Lira and Rogan – lit their sparklers and waved them around (that’s what you’re supposed to do right?) prompting someone at the top table to announce that the sparklers were only for “outside use”.

By this time, people had already started heading outside as something was afoot… A dozen or so Chinese lanterns were lit up and released into the night sky. It was again something we hadn’t seen at a wedding before and it was nice but all the same I don’t think we’ll be having them at our wedding… I remember we came out and the first one we saw had got stuck in a tree and we were convinced it was going to burn to the ground…

The last thing we observed was that they had ‘open mic’ speeches after the usual suspects (groom, father of the bride et al) had said their piece so anyone could stand up and say a few words. We stayed in our seats but a few had obviously prepared speeches so they got up and spoke… Again, I don’t think it’s something we will do at our wedding or else we could be there all night.

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