or: Putting the Man in Manifesto
In which our intrepid Groom makes like Eminem and tells it like it is…
Being a Groomsman sounds like a pretty sweet deal. You don’t have the pressure of worrying about a speech like the Best Man. You get to swig champagne as you’re chauffeured by limo, or whatever top-drawer transport, from the ceremony to the reception. You get a seat at the top table. You’re guaranteed at least one dance with a girl. You don’t really have to DO anything. Right? WRONG.
Here’s what I, Groomzilla Rex, demand of my A-Team in the lead-up to the Big Day and on the day itself.
SUIT UP AND SHUT UP: My Groomsmen must be ready to get measured and suited up when the decision is made on what my minions and I are going to wear on the Big Day. Carping about the colour of the ties or design of the waistcoats is punishable by death… or worse, withdrawal of beer privileges on the stag night.
OH DEER: Liaising with the Best Man on matters of the hart – aka the stag do – is essential. Creative thinking is required here, not to mention a sturdy pair of arms to carry the jibbering drunken groom-to-be back to his room after he’s had one too many.
Other general tasks might include putting signs up to direct motorists to the ceremony and basically whatever I tell you to do.
THE GREET AND SEAT: If Lisa and I were to do the traditional thing of having the bride’s family sit on one side of the church and the groom’s family on the other, the result would be about as one-sided as a Barcelona vs Blackpool game (her family being Barcelona). So we will be telling guests they can sit where they like – and I expect my Groomsmen to be on hand to greet guests as they come in and explain to them that it’s a seating free-for-all… though maybe not in those exact words.
AISLE BE WATCHING YOU: Each Groomsman will have to escort a bridesmaid down the aisle. This is a (fairly) serious matter. Not the time to get an ego trip and start waving and blowing kisses to the crowd, whose every eye will be on you.
Other general tasks might include handing out Mass booklets, making sure everyone has a ride from the ceremony to the reception, and (very important) making sure the wedding gifts are well looked after.
[box] Photo by Jennifer Weems Photography [/box]
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